Have you ever found yourself daydreaming about pursuing that passion of yours or taking that program which will contribute a lot to your career?
Maybe you imagine yourself being fitter and stronger or probably you like to see yourself with that girl you notice at the coffee shop every day.
Yes?
And you do this repeatedly, only this- for weeks, months and maybe years. Then what happens? Nothing.
Nothing changes.
Your life is just the same as it was when that instinct arose in you to do something about it but you let it pass. Every single time. Every single time you wished for things to change but could never muster up enough courage to actually get up and get to it.
Why is that? What is stopping you? And I mean literally.
There's this concept in Psychology called – Metacognition. It means cognition about cognition, thinking about thinking- according to Wikipedia.
It was first introduced as a concept in 1976 by John H. Flavell, an American Psychologist, who said that-
Metacognition is the knowledge you have of your own cognitive processes (your thinking). It is your ability to control your thinking processes through various strategies, such as organizing, monitoring, and adapting. Additionally, it is your ability to reflect upon the tasks or processes you undertake and to select and utilize the appropriate strategies necessary in your intercultural interactions.
(Source: Leading With Cultural Intelligence)
In a sentence, I understand Metacognition as one’s ability to recognize and understand one’s thinking and the behavior and practices in response to it, so they can come up with ways (strategies) to deal with it, to extract the best possible outcome through their actions.
It’s a beautiful concept I think because it explains your higher thinking process. It implies that there is a way for you to get what you want and it is simply by noticing your thinking patterns, noticing your response to it, recognizing if there is a pattern to the whole thing that isn’t helping you so far and breaking it by coming up with strategies that work for you so you can take that action and change your life.
This brings me back to my question: What is stopping you?
You probably already have the answer by now but let me just say it- It’s you.
Every time you feel an instinct to do something uncomfortable or out of routine even though you know it’s the right thing to do, your mind pulls the brakes and kick-starts the thoughts and feelings engine. The process slips into auto-pilot within seconds of beginning, which is why you find yourself stuck in this loop.
When there's an intention to take action, the discomfort of a change sets in because your mind is programmed to save you from the unknown. You see, no matter how adventurous you are there will always be something, even the slightest action that will be too much for you, like asking a girl out (you will say there’s nothing so ‘slight’ about it) or telling your parents you want to pursue your passion that might require you to quit the conventional way.
But all it takes to have your life transformed to fit your dream is your action.
Take a moment and feel it for real.
How would it be if you could just stop hitting the snooze button for once tomorrow morning and get up and go for that run? How would things change if you could finally take the action of making time for some meditation or simply to spend more time with your family?
You’ve always wanted to have your own business, wake up to living your dream and feeling that- I work for myself- vibe everyday. But every night before you go to bed, you scroll through social media to look at all the people who did it. Who took the action and changed their lives. You wish you could do it too.
And what’s happening when you keep procrastinating that decision to take action; what’s happening when you are struck for months and years in the same pattern of not attending to your instincts- It’s turning into a habit (and then you start hating yourselves but you know that already).
Doing nothing can become a habit too.
The pattern where you come up with an instinct and are immediately given reasons by your mind to not take action (through a rapid series of thoughts and feelings that cause you to be overwhelmed by the process of taking action) for bringing in the change- so you listen to it and not do anything and then the whole thing just repeats in different arenas of your life. Before you know it you are feeling trapped with no freedom of choice. There is no control over what you want to do because it’s like your mind won’t let you do it, when in fact it’s you who is stopping yourself.
Your mind is doing only what it is programmed to do- protect you from any discomfort or negative outcome which, sadly, it associates with almost any change you are about to bring into the ‘safe’ zone that’s your routine of being where you’ve been, doing what you’ve been doing because your mind knows what to expect.
But you see, your conscience knows that our purpose of existence isn’t just to be safe. It’s to grow too because that’s a way for us to increase the quality of life (And by doing what is morally right because Conscience is a cognitive process based on a person’s moral philosophy and value system- Wikipedia). Which is why you feel something in you, impelling you to take the right action.
Then how do you break that pattern?
It is said that when your mind, body and soul (I’d like to think of it as our Conscience, our instincts that pop from nowhere directing us towards the right thing to do.) work in synchronization- you can achieve anything, have anything and grow to heights one can’t fathom just yet. That’s because when every part of you is working with the other towards one goal, you feel a true sense of freedom. Imagine the one thing that is stopping you from living the life of your dreams doesn’t affect you enough to stop you anymore. But how can that be achieved?
We’ve discussed the role of mind and conscience but what about the body? How can your body contribute towards changing your life literally right now?
There’s no complicated science behind this one. It’s simply by physically moving to take the action.
Every time you have an instinct to do something, just get up and set yourself in motion. You are then half-way into taking that action and given the fact that your body is literally going through with the decision of making the change, your mind will become powerless in talking you out of it.
Here, I would like to mention an awesome book- The 5-Second Rule by Mel Robbins (again!) The rule requires you to physically move within 5-seconds of developing an instinct to take action. Mel Robbins explains that your mind literally needs just these 5-seconds to pull the brakes and stop you from taking the required action. And when that happens, you get trapped again and fall back into your old pattern. That’s it. That’s how your life never got better.
This frame of time (5-seconds) could be lesser for some people. In the book, Robbins says that for some, all they need is 3-seconds. Whatever works for you.
But the point is when you have the instinct of working on something- grabbing that yoga mat and starting your workout or beginning with the tasks on your business plan- your mind will put on a nice warm rug over your shoulder, hand you a drink and pull you back to take your time and dwell on it. You analyse too much and that overwhelms you about the whole idea and you basically slip into your old habit of rejecting change and action (Yes, I’m repeating it over and over to absolutely clear the problem for you in any scenario) So the solution is- the moment you have the instinct, take the damn action before your mind stops you with all it’s pointless reasoning that is doing you no good in the long run.
That’s all there is to it.
Take the author’s advice, countdown from 5 and then physically move! That’s the HOW of changing your life with one decision.
Such one little but powerful decisions every day, on a regular basis are what grow into a habit. So then instead of being stuck in the habit of not taking action, you are building the habit of taking action and accepting change at every turn in your life.
That is the role of metacognition in changing lives. You recognize your thinking, the thoughts that build, the pattern that follows, the actions it would lead you to take (i.e., nothing- basically avoiding change, opting for distractions) and then consciously stop them by working with strategies that fit to break that habit.
Work with strategies that fit to break the stagnancy-
If you think that having a Netflix subscription is letting you binge after work when you’re back home or on weekends instead of working on the side business you’re passionate about, then cancel the subscription.
Cut out all distractions if your mind will be looking for them when the time comes for you to act for change.
Stop hitting snooze early in the morning and at the very least leave your alarm far away from your bed so you are forced to get up (then don’t go back again).
Walk into your boss’s cabin before thinking anything- then you have to ask for that raise you want.
Keep that gym wear ready every night with your mat and fit-bit so you feel welcomed to take action the next morning.
Feeling stopped from acting on a task you need to sit and do?
Start with 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes. Turn on your laptop or grab that book and start working. You just have to focus for 10 minutes, tell yourself that and start. After that you will be engrossed and you need a lot more push to stop and procrastinate.
These are little strategies you’ve got to build and work with if you want to enable yourself to work on your instinct. Because it is all about taking action, that is all you need to do. One action at a time. One decision at a time to have an entirely different life from what you live now, to ultimately be the better or even best version of yourself.
And quoting Nike's tagline-
Just do it.
Note: I'm not a Psychology or Mental Health professional. Everything I write is from online research, books, my subsequent learnings and personal experience. I only share tips that have helped me and they are not, in any form, a professional advice to you. Please take and implement them at your own interest and risk.
Thank you for reading!
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